My perfection
by zita25
Summary: A story I wrote in my darkest days. I don't recommend reading it, the only reason I didn't delete it is because It reminds me that things get better. STRONG TW for ED, Anorexia, Bulimia, Suicide, Self harm.
1. Welcome to Alfea

I always thought that being a fairy is my dream. When I first wake up in Alfea I thought going to this school will be awesome. But I didn't thought that I could be wrong?..

When we arrived it looked like a normal school. Girls chating in the halls, teachers walking around and talking. Most girls were like Christine, my biggest bully at my old school. Fit, slim, **perfect**. They all had boyfriends and they were wearing trendy clothes.

And I already knew I wouldn't fit in. I mean how could I?? I came from a magicless planet, my parents can't afford trendier clothes, I never had a boyfriend. Actually I understand why I never had a boyfriend. Im **fat** and **ugly**. I am complitly different than the students here. Well this going to be **AWESOME.**

When Ms. Griselda first came to our home, we wouldn't believe her. (I mean I wouldn't believe her. My abusive parents were ready to gave me to anyone, so I wouldn't take up the space) She told us that they knew that I had magic ever since I was Born and they were just waiting for me to turn 16, so I can go to Alfea. We wouldn't believe her until...

 **That night**. I still don't know who he was. I was walking home from Jane' s birthday party and he grabbed me in the dark. He pulled me into the forest nearby. He took my virginity. After he left I started crying. I felt a something in me and let it out. That night I burnt down half the forest. That night my magic first acted up. That night Ms.Griselda showed up and looked at me. That night she didn't ask a thing, she just hugged me and told it was alright. **Later that night I first cut.** And **Later that night I tried to commit suicide.**

That night I wasn't admitted to the hospital, because my abusive parents brought me to the forest and left me there. That night If Ms Griselda wouldn't showed up again. I would be dead. Right now I think it would be better for **Everyone** if I was dead.

Because Im not **Perfect**


	2. Welcome to Alfea 2

But Im not dead. Ms Griselda brought me to magic and admitted I was in the hospital wing of Alfea for 2 weeks, in a coma. She saved me just in time. I have lost a lot of blood. Not enough.

School started 3 weeks later. I was awake that time. Ms Griselda showed me around Alfea and I met nearly all the teachers. They were all very kind. The only one who wasn't there was Ms. Dufour. Ms Griselda said she was the manners and incantation teacher. Well I'll most likely fail her subject too. Yey.

I was in magix when the students came. I told Ms. Griselda that it would be weird to be their before the students and that I want to look around. I didn't tell her, but I wanted to buy some new blades. She took the old ones. I went to the market and got the blades. The women behind the counter looked at me for a moment and I told her they were for my father. Wow, I've became a great liar lately. I went back to Alfea and thats when I first stepped into the school. I mean I was there for 3 weeks already but it was different now.

The perfect girls, saying goodbye to their boyfriends. The teachers walking up and down. I knew I wasn't going to fit in.

My first lesson was manners class with Ms Dufour the only teacher I hadn't met before. She walked in elegantly, she was wearing a scarlet dress and a matching hat. Even if you didn't know, you'd have guessed she was the manners teacher.

The class was interesting and I knew that I will like this teacher. The class finished and I was packing my stuff, when Ms. Dufour came past me. And she suddenly stopped.

\- Your bleeding. - she said to me and I didn't know where I was for a minute. I knew I shouldn't have cut before class. But I was so stressed. - come with me.

-No Ms. Dufour Im not bleeding how would you now that any way, if you don't mind my question? - I asked her. I was anxious. Im sure the whole class room could see me shaking.

-Ms...

-Bloom

-Ms. Bloom, Im sorry if I wasn't polite. But I can clearly see that your bleeding, since there is blood on your shirt.

I looked down at my wrist. I've bled through my shirt.

-fuck - I said silently as I run out of the class room.

-Wait Ms. Bloom- I heard Ms. Dufour, but I was already out of the class room. Ms. Griselda can't know I cut again. I promissed her that I wouldn't.

I sprinted into the bathroom, and took out my blade from my pocket (yes it was there the whole time.). If my they take it away from me I might as well use it a last time.

-Bloom- I heard my name again but it wasn't Ms. Dufour's voice this time. Yes. You've guessed it Ms. Griselda. - We know you're in there. Can you come out please?

-Yes. - i said with hesitation and hid my blade in my pocket. I oppened the door and came out the toilet. It wasn't just Ms. Griselda Ms. Dufour was there with her too.

-Can you.. Can you show me your wrist? - she said. I heard the disappointment in her voice. I fucked it up again. Yey

I pulled up the sleve of my right arm (i don't do self harm there.)

-The other arm please. - I shake my head. - Bloom. Ms.Dufour saw your cuts. I already know that you cut yourself again. Can you show me, so I can treat them, and prevent them from getting infected?

-Im sorry. - I said in a hoarse voice. As i slowly pulled up my other sleve. - I know you told me to stop, but I was stressed and scared.

When they saw my cuts they were. Both terrified. There were 7or 8 deep long scar on my left arm.

\- please come with us to the infirmary. - this time it was Ms. Dufour who spoke since Ms. Griselda was speechless.

-Ms. Bloom- the nurse repeated herself. - are you listening to me? I said I would like to see your blade.

-But I won't use it again I swear.

-Im sure If you gave it to us. - said Ms. Griselda.

The nurse quickly healed my scares and I was alloved to go back to my room. I was just passing by the great hall when I collapsed into 2 other girls.

-whatch were you're going fatty!! - said the one with blonde her.

-leave her be Stella we don't need you to get in trouble on the first day. - said the other fairy. With that they left me.

I ran back to my room when I arrived I went to my bed and cryied for hours. This was my worst day of my life. They took away my blade and I am bullied again.

I knew I wasn't **perfect**.


	3. Unexpected Feelings

56kg

Is that too much? I ask my self as I step on the scale again. It shows the exect same number. 56. The more I look at it the more I think that it is too much. Im fat. Im staring in the mirror. I never had any self-esteem but as Im looking in the mirror I'm starting to see more and more flaws.

I will lose weight. I won't be the fat fairy anymore. I want to be slim and fit like the other girls. Maybe if I eat a little less, and exercise more, I can lose the extra pounds.

(weeks passed by Bloom worked out everyday and ate around 1200 calories)

-Bloom? Are you coming to breakfast? - my roommate Mia asked.

-Oh I will eat later. See you at class. - I answer her. Im not that hungry, and maybe it can help me lose weight if I just skip breakfast. I know it's not that healthy, but doing it once won't hurt me.

-Ok, bye bye. - Mia left the dorm.

Maybe I should exercise a little. Classes won't start untill 9 and it's 7:30. I hope the gym is empty.

The gym was empty everyone was eating breakfast in the hall. I quickly changed clothes and started working out.

After I finished I want back to the dorm, shovered and went to class. I had manners class again. Just my luck. Ms. Dufour propably think I'm messed up in the head. Well I am.

I walked into the class room (everyone stared at me. Yey) and say down.

-you're sitting on my seat fatty - said that irritating blond princess bitch.

-so? There are planty of seats left...

She wanted to say something, but Ms. Dufour entered the room.

-Girls, please sit down. We will talk about princess etiquette.

As I am not a princess i thought I don't have to focus that much on this class, so I took out my phone. I searched a lot of weight loss tips and tricks. I've lost 4kgs but it's not enough. One said that to lose 1kg, you need to burn 7200 calories. So to lose 2kg a week I have to burn 14400 calories

14400 : 7 = 2057 calories to burn / day.

My body burns 2000 calories a day by itself.

So If eat 500 calories a day, I will have to burn another 500 in the gym. It will be easy.

-Bloom? Are you listening to me? - came Ms.Dufour not-so-happy voice.

-Im...Im sorry professor it won't happen again.

\- Okay, but please pay attention.

Now that was akward. But miss blonde princess had some good words to me again

-pst. Pst. Fatty. I know that you won't be a princess so you really should go to the gym instead of this class you know..

That was enough. Im nor sitting here to be made fun off anymore. And once again I sprinted out off the classroom. Guess it's turning into my habit.

I enter Ms. Faragonda's office. Ofc. Ms. Griselda is there. Again.

\- Bloom what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in class? - Ms. Griselda asks.

I ignore her and go straight forward to Ms. Faragonda's desk.

-Ms.Faragonda. I want to drop manners class. Since I'm not a princess. I don't need to learn princess etiquette.

-Ms. Bloom are you sure? You might marry a prince in the future... And even if you don't it could still be very useful. - Ms. Faragonda said. She was really calm... But Ms. Griselda she wasn't.

\- Bloom!! I won't let you drop one of your classes in your first semester. I said that you can stay if you live with us and accept and respect our rules. dropping your lessons is not acceptable here.

-Well, if I cause you so much distress, maybe you should've left me die in the forest that night. Everyone would've been happier. - I shout at here. Unfortunately, Ms. Dufour came into the room just in time to hear me. But it doesn't matter. Once again I find myself running through Alfea's corridors. But.. I could just here Ms. Griselda's and Ms.Dufour's voices.

\- die in the forest?! - i heard Ms. Dufour whisper.

-BLOOM - Ms. Griselda screamed.

~~~~~~~~Ms.G's pov ~~~~~~~~~~~

-BLOOM - i screamed after here.

-Let her go Griselda. She needs a little alone time. - said Faragonda.

-Griselda what did Ms. Bloom mean by let her die in the forest that night? What exactly did happen, while I wasn't here?

-We've been watching Ms.Bloom's magic signals since she was sent to earth. The first time her magic acted up. Well it's not a good memory of hers. I told what happened to Bloom I showed up just after the bastard has left. Poor Bloom was crying alone. I calmed here and sent her home. But what I didn't know is that Bloom was not calmed and that her parents hated her. She tried to commit Suicide in her own room. Her parents didn't call the ambulence, instead, they left her die in the forest.

-Poor baby. She must be really depressed after all this. - Ms.Dufour was literally crying. And I was nearly as well.

~~~~~~~~Bloom's POV~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, no one needs me. And I don't need anyone either. I don't need their lectures, their lessons **_their food._** If I don't eat I will lose weight. And I won't be the **_fat fairy_**.

It's dinner time. I'm not hungry and I don't wanna meet Ms. Griselda and the other teachers. She propably told everyone, and now they all propably think I'm going to commit Suicide. **_Or they don't, cause they don't care about_** ** _me_**.

Anyways, I'm going to the gym. No ones their cause they are all eating dinner. Atleast the whole gym is mine. I ate nothing today and burnt 1000 calories in the morning. So I am at 3000 calories. If I stay up allnight and workout I can burn 3200 cals. So I will lose 1kg for tomorrow. I can do this.

I stayed up all night and only passed out at 5 o'clock when my calories were burnt.

-Ms. Bloom?


	4. 123

-Ms Bloom - I heard a familiar voice. - Ms Bloom what are you doing here? Are you okay? - well fuck. Ofc Ms. Dufour was the one who found me.

-Im fine professor thanks. Can you Tell me the time?

-it's 6'o clock. That's why I'm curious. What are you doing here this early? We haven't saw you since you dropped my class at Ms. Faragonda's office.

-I... Umm. I... I just wanted to exercise before breakfast, because I couldn't sleep, turns out I've fallen asleep in the gym. But Im awake now, so I can workout. Thank you professor.

~~~~~~~ Dufour's pov ~~~~~~~~~~~

\- Bloom? Why did you drop manners class? And why did you left in the middle of my lesson? I hope it's not because I told you to pay attention. - I ask her. I am worried about her. She looks like she hadn't sleeped allnight and she's looking thinner. There are huge bags under her eyes and she is paller than usual.

-No.. I... It's not because of you. - she says and she starts to Run. Most likely to run away from my questions.

-Then why? I don't want to pressure you, but it can be a useful class for credits. And it is the easiest class to graduate from.

-Well I don't think you're best advantage should ba about graduation- she says.

-Why?

-Ms. Dufour. I had 3 suicide attempts in the last 4 week. And I cut my veins open on the first day of school. I think you get it when I say that I probs won't graduate. And you shouldn't expect me too. Cause you're gonna be disappointed. - she said that with such an ease. And continued running.

-O-okay. But it's still not an answer for my question. Why did you drop manners class? - I ask her. She's a bit suprised that i wasn't terrified of what she just said (well I was, but she doesn't have to know this.) but then answered.

-I dropped manners class because I don't need it, students keep bullying me, and I want a free period.

She finally stepped off the treadmill, but I saw that she froze

-Ms. Bloom? - she didn't answer me, instead she collapsed right next to me. Fortunately, I had enough time to catch her.

~~~~~~~Bloom's pov ~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up at the infirmary. Once again.

-Ms. Bloom glad you're awake. - was the first thing I heard. Ms. Barbatea was sitting next to me, behind her was Ms. Dufour, Ms. Griselda and Ms. Faragonda.

\- What happened? - I ask all of them.

-What happened? What happened is that you were lost for a WHOLE day, and Ms. Dufour found you in the gym at 6'o clock IN THE MORNING, PASSED OUT and then you woke up acted like nothing happened, kept working out and passed out into her arms. AGAIN. - said a worried/angry Griselda.

-Bloom. When was the last time you ate? - asked Ms. Barbatea ignoring Griselda's outburst.

-Oh it's not because of that, I wasn't sleeping well for the last few days. And I was a bit tired this morning. - I lied. I actually didn't have a solid meal since school started. But it's worth it. Im 47kgs.

~~~~~~~Dufour's pov~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't get this whole "im just tired" thing. She never shows up at breakfast, lunch or dinner. I'm amazed the others didn't realized this.

-I understand it Ms. Bloom, but do you mind if we just checked your weight real quick? If you say it's only sleep problems and your weight is fine you'll be given a sleep potion, and you'll be good to go.

-oh okay. - Bloom says and goes to the corner where the scale is located.

She steps on it. The scale stops at 45kg. As she looks up at us I can see happiness in her eyes. Mean while we are horrified. Her september month check up said that she was 56 kg. She lost 11kg in 2months.

~~~~~~~~Bloom's pov~~~~~~~~~~~

I look at the scale and I can't believe what I see.

It showed that I was 45. Todays ago it was 47.

-So Im fine I guess. When can I live.

-Ms.Bloom you're deffinetly not fine. You're severly underweight. And you've lost 11kgs in 2 months. That's way more than the recommended amount. Do you know what caused your weight loss? - said Ms. Barbatea

-Yes - I said hesitantly. - I've been working out lately. I wanted to lose a the extra weight I had.

-What are you talking about? you never head extra weight!!!!! - it was Ms.Griselda who spoke this time _She is liying._ I heard the voice in my head.

-Ms.Bloom you have to stop this extreme diet. You can't lose anymore weight. - said Ms. Barbatea. She was looking at me with worry in her eyes, and for a minute, I believed her. _SHE WANTS TO STOP YOUR PROGRASE!!_.

-Can I go know? - I ask them.

-Yes - said Ms. F it was the first time she spoke in the infirmary.

I left them there I wouldn't listen to there lies for any longer. Instead, I went to work out. But this time, I stayed in my dorm, so they can't see me exercizing.

~~~~~~Ms. Dufour 's pov~~~~~~~~~~

-Carlotta? - Faragonda asked again. I was frozen still since Bloom had left. - do you think she is..

-yes I believe she does.

-Can you talk with her? You' ve gone her similar things and maybe you could help her.

-Ms. Faragonda we both know that her situation is way more serious than mine was.

-You could Try... - yes. I can, and I will. I just have to figure out what will I tell her. I never told a student about my eating disorder before.

~~~~~~~~Bloom's pov ~~~~~~~~~~~

I finished my work out. I am standing at the edge of the north tower of Alfea. One step, and everything will end. All my problems and pain. I won't even be missed. Who would miss me?? My parents are dead, my abusive adopted family left me to die. It would be so much easier if I 'd just step off.

-Bloom?

-Yes Ms. Dufour? I answer her without looking back.

-Can I talk with you?

-Of course - I stick to the few-word response.

-would you... Would you step back from the edge? Pretty dangerous you know...

-No.Im good. What you wanna talk about? - I ask her, still not looking back. Im staring at the forest near Alfea.

-I... When I was your age I had nothing.. No parents or family.. No home.. No friends. Ms. Faragonda took me in. Nothing was under my control so I had to find something to control. And the only one was... my weight. I know what you're doing. You don't show up at the table during the meals. You're always working out. You know. You have fainted several times. If this goes on you will die beacuse of heart failure.

-Well that would be the best for everyone.

Actually, why wait? If I can just finish it off know. You know Ms. Dufour, you might not have friends and a real family like me. But you at least found yourself a loving family. My adopted parents abused me both physically, verbally and sexually. Not like it mathers. They even left me to die. So? Why should I not die? I want to. My parents want me to. My classmates want me to. Why not?

Ms. Dufour once again found herself taken aback from what Bloom said.

-I don't want you to die. The other teachers don't want it either. You know it's not to late for you.

-I think it is. It was nice to meet you Ms. Dufour. - I say as I turn around to look at her, end step of the edge.

~~~~~~~~Dufour's pov~~~~~~~~~~~

\- BLOOOOOOOM! - I scream as she steps off the edge.

\- NO NO NO NO THIS CAN'T HAPPEN. - I scream as I rab through the corridors.

-Carlotta, what happened? - Ms. Griselda came out of her office

-BLOOM... come with me. - Griselda looked at me with worry in her eyes, but followed me. I started to sprint. Nothing mathered, just to get to Bloom the fastest way possible.

When we got there she was laying on the ground without a move. I quickly send Ms. Griselda for Barbatea and Faragonda. I remember a thing I learnt when I was turned into a vampire. I can give her my energy, so she can stay alive a little longer. I put my hand on her chest and I start to cast the spell. Her heart starts to weakly beat again.


End file.
